Re-reading this as I created this post, once again I'll state: I'm not a writer (!) But I try, that's the main thing :) The main thing that I want to show (apart from the artwork) is perhaps the concept- And at least it will be enough for someone to sit and look through it and get an idea of what the characters are about. Anyways, I'm waffling. Below is the revised draft of the second part to the graphic novel which will join in with "The Soldier" story. Still can't pick a title, and don't really have an original name for the guy, but I just that sort of suits the character- he's not a colour-wearing heroic superhero type- the outfit is just practical streetwear; so why would he even bother with a name. The dialogue and some onf the event details have changed a bit more than the Solider script did- it was an attempt to tie the two stories together a little bit more and talk a little more about his motivations for being on the street and show a little bit of vulnerability (fear) than just "I have no powers and I'm out here to be a normal bloke superhero"...*shrug* you get the idea.
WORKING TITLE: “CITIZEN’S ARREST” REVISED DRAFT 2
PAGE 1: INT. VIGILANTE’S BEDROOM – EVENING
A VIGILANTE sits on the edge of his bed. At his feet is
a small metal box with old World War 2 photos, rising
sun pin and slouch hat scattered on the floor. In the
VIGILANTE’s hands he holds an old face mask which he
stares at intently. The mask resembles the mask worn by
a soldier in a photograph at the VIGILANTE’s feet.
Page 2- 3 (double page spread)
Panel shots of News Anchors on different news programs
juxtaposed with shots of VIGILANTE weight lifting,
punching the bag, taekwon-do pattern training, push ups
(?)
Various News reports in alternating panels each other.
NEWS REPORTER 1
Police are on the hunt for a gang
of youths believed to have sexually
assaulted an elderly woman in her
South Brisbane home...
NEWS REPORTER 2
...The drugs and hydroponic
equipment were seized during the
raid of the suburban home, with a
total street value of $80,000...
NEWS REPORTER 3
...shots were fired from the
vehicle, seriously wounding two
officers and several bystanders...
NEWS REPORTER 4
...hunt for the Serial Arsonist
continues as the Death toll
continues to rise. Police say...
NEWS REPORTER 5
...the girl is in a critical
condition in hospital after the 5
year old’s uncle violently threw
her from a moving car...
Next Page
EXT. UNDER AN OVERPASS- BRISBANE FREEWAY – NIGHT
Text: Pacific Motorway, Outside the City...
A young man stands under an overpass of a Freeway in a
Suburban area of Brisbane. He puts down his back pack
and unzips the top. He begins to dress himself in dark
clothes, gloves and a mask.
VIGILANTE (CAPTIONS)
Do you ever read the papers or
watch the news at night and think
“What the hell’s wrong with
people?” Was society always like
this? Or do we just hear more about
it as technology and communication
improves?
The VIGILANTE clips on weapons straps and conceals a
homemade Blackjack in his jacket sleeve. Next to the
back pack, a digital camera, black texta pen, street
map and stick of gum lay at his feet
VIGILANTE
I’m Afraid. Not just because I’m
out here, but because I’m afraid of
a world where terrible events occur
almost every day, and we shrug. We
think “That’s sad” and carry on
with whatever we were doing. I
guess we have to.
But I can’t.
As he finishes suiting up, He peers down at the street
below and takes a deep breath.
VIGILANTE (CONT V/O)
So why me?
The VIGILANTE slides down to the footpath, darts across
the four lanes of traffic into the bushes.
VIGILANTE (CONT V/O)
A man appeared during the second
World War who wore a mask. He was
my Grandfather. I don’t think
anyone knew his identity, let alone
why he felt the need to wear it.
The VIGILANTE runs through back gardens, across a park,
though the trees, and across streets.
VIGILANTE (V/O)
He wore it at a time where he felt
that lives needed to be saved
outside the “regular” system.
Something he needed to do. A
promise that he made.
The VIGILANTE pauses at the sound of smashing glass. At
the end of the street, he spots a street light go out,
smashed by a brick. He runs into the shadows.
VIGILANTE (V/O)
I realise it was war. There’s still
war today. I could have joined the
armed forces. At home, I could have
joined the Police force. What do
you do?
Fight overseas problems or dispense
speeding fines?
Don’t get me wrong,
these are brave men and women I’m
talking about. And one day I
noticed that they do make a
difference. But I notice other
things too.
EXT. SMALL ROOF TOP – NIGHT
The VIGILANTE scales the side of a guttering and
perches in the shadows on the top of a shop roof.
VIGILANTE (V/O)
My neighbour’s house has been
burgled 3 times in the last 8
months.
The elderly couple down the street;
stabbed and robbed in their own
home. Junkies looking for another
fix.
Below, a gang of four spray paints graffiti all over
the shop front. One gang member kicks over a bunch of
garbage cans while another whacks the plexiglass
windows with a crow bar.
VIGILANTE (V/O)
The Local Shopkeeper has been held
up twice, struck with an iron bar
last time .35 stiches.
The VIGILANTE takes digital photos of what the gang
members are doing to the shop. He takes the memory card
and slips it into an envelope. With a marker he writes
on the front “To Springwood Police”.
VIGILANTE (CONT V/O)
I don’t need to be sent overseas to
fight. There’s a war right here.
Doesn’t mean I’m any less scared
out of my brain...
As he stuffs the envelope and camera back into his bag,
the VIGILANTE looks up to see two of the GANG MEMBERS
harassing a YOUNG LADY walking through the street. GANG
MEMBER 2 pulls out a knife as GANG MEMBER 1 tears at
her clothes, attempting to grope her. The VIGILANTE’s
eyes widen.
VIGILANTE (V/O)
@#$!
The VIGILANTE jumps down on top of GANG MEMBER(4),
breaking his fall. He finds himself in front of GANG
MEMBERS 1 and 2, who have grabbed the girl.
GANG MEMBER 2
Who the hell you s’pose to be?!
VIGILANTE
Listen dude...You don’t want to do this...
GANG MEMBER 3 emerges from behind and grabs the
VIGILANTE in a head lock.
GANG MEMBER 3
This @#$@ thinks he’s Spider-man!
VIGILANTE (V/O)
No time to be scared. Just fight.
The VIGILANTE reaches over, grabs the face of GANG
MEMBER 3 and leavers his leg to lift and drop the GANG
MEMBER (3) onto his knee.
VIGILANTE (V/O)
Don’t freeze up; I do and we’re
both in the Emergency room.
Disposing of GANG MEMBER 3, GANG MEMBER 2 Slices the
VIGILANTE across his arm.
VIGILANTE
AAARRRGGHH!
As GANG MEMBER 2 tries again, the VIGILANTE quickly
slips under the arm of GANG MEMBER 2, dislocating the
elbow across his shoulder causing him to drop his
knife, reverse elbowing him in the throat with the
opposite arm and drops him with a back kick to the
stomach.
GANG MEMBER 1 holds a knife to the YOUNG LADY’s neck as
the VIGILANTE approaches. The YOUNG LADY swings her
hand back and smashes GANG MEMBER 1’s groin, causing
him to recoil.
VIGILANTE (CAPTION)
Smart Lady.
She runs out of the way as the GANG MEMBER buckles
over. As he looks up, tears in his eyes, the VIGILANTE
knocks him out with a massive right hook to the jaw. As
the last GANG MEMBER falls, the VIGILANTE clutches his
arm, blood seeps through his sleeve.
VIGILANTE (V/O)
...that went well...
He stops and looks around at the out cold GANG MEMBERS,
then looks at YOUNG LADY, who smiles slightly.
YOUNG LADY
Thank you...are you ok?
The VIGILANTE turns his head to the sound of police
sirens. The YOUNG LADY turns her head, and turns back
to find the VIGILANTE gone, with the Large envelope in
his place.
She picks up the envelope as the Police car pulls up.The VIGILANTE watches silently from the bushes, smilesand runs into the shadows.
NEWS REPORTER (CAPTION)
...Police are wanting to question a masked
man who is believed to have
prevented a potential Sexual
assault south of Brisbane last
night which left 4 men in hospital. The incident was said to
have been sparked when a young
woman came across her attackers
vandalising a local corner store in Springwood around 10pm.
This marks the third incident in a number of weeks where a masked man has been spotted in the streets. Despite the outcome and Young Woman escaping unharmed, Police wish to warn citizens against taking the law into their own
hands...
END
PAGE 1: INT. VIGILANTE’S BEDROOM – EVENING
A VIGILANTE sits on the edge of his bed. At his feet is
a small metal box with old World War 2 photos, rising
sun pin and slouch hat scattered on the floor. In the
VIGILANTE’s hands he holds an old face mask which he
stares at intently. The mask resembles the mask worn by
a soldier in a photograph at the VIGILANTE’s feet.
Page 2- 3 (double page spread)
Panel shots of News Anchors on different news programs
juxtaposed with shots of VIGILANTE weight lifting,
punching the bag, taekwon-do pattern training, push ups
(?)
Various News reports in alternating panels each other.
NEWS REPORTER 1
Police are on the hunt for a gang
of youths believed to have sexually
assaulted an elderly woman in her
South Brisbane home...
NEWS REPORTER 2
...The drugs and hydroponic
equipment were seized during the
raid of the suburban home, with a
total street value of $80,000...
NEWS REPORTER 3
...shots were fired from the
vehicle, seriously wounding two
officers and several bystanders...
NEWS REPORTER 4
...hunt for the Serial Arsonist
continues as the Death toll
continues to rise. Police say...
NEWS REPORTER 5
...the girl is in a critical
condition in hospital after the 5
year old’s uncle violently threw
her from a moving car...
Next Page
EXT. UNDER AN OVERPASS- BRISBANE FREEWAY – NIGHT
Text: Pacific Motorway, Outside the City...
A young man stands under an overpass of a Freeway in a
Suburban area of Brisbane. He puts down his back pack
and unzips the top. He begins to dress himself in dark
clothes, gloves and a mask.
VIGILANTE (CAPTIONS)
Do you ever read the papers or
watch the news at night and think
“What the hell’s wrong with
people?” Was society always like
this? Or do we just hear more about
it as technology and communication
improves?
The VIGILANTE clips on weapons straps and conceals a
homemade Blackjack in his jacket sleeve. Next to the
back pack, a digital camera, black texta pen, street
map and stick of gum lay at his feet
VIGILANTE
I’m Afraid. Not just because I’m
out here, but because I’m afraid of
a world where terrible events occur
almost every day, and we shrug. We
think “That’s sad” and carry on
with whatever we were doing. I
guess we have to.
But I can’t.
As he finishes suiting up, He peers down at the street
below and takes a deep breath.
VIGILANTE (CONT V/O)
So why me?
The VIGILANTE slides down to the footpath, darts across
the four lanes of traffic into the bushes.
VIGILANTE (CONT V/O)
A man appeared during the second
World War who wore a mask. He was
my Grandfather. I don’t think
anyone knew his identity, let alone
why he felt the need to wear it.
The VIGILANTE runs through back gardens, across a park,
though the trees, and across streets.
VIGILANTE (V/O)
He wore it at a time where he felt
that lives needed to be saved
outside the “regular” system.
Something he needed to do. A
promise that he made.
The VIGILANTE pauses at the sound of smashing glass. At
the end of the street, he spots a street light go out,
smashed by a brick. He runs into the shadows.
VIGILANTE (V/O)
I realise it was war. There’s still
war today. I could have joined the
armed forces. At home, I could have
joined the Police force. What do
you do?
Fight overseas problems or dispense
speeding fines?
Don’t get me wrong,
these are brave men and women I’m
talking about. And one day I
noticed that they do make a
difference. But I notice other
things too.
EXT. SMALL ROOF TOP – NIGHT
The VIGILANTE scales the side of a guttering and
perches in the shadows on the top of a shop roof.
VIGILANTE (V/O)
My neighbour’s house has been
burgled 3 times in the last 8
months.
The elderly couple down the street;
stabbed and robbed in their own
home. Junkies looking for another
fix.
Below, a gang of four spray paints graffiti all over
the shop front. One gang member kicks over a bunch of
garbage cans while another whacks the plexiglass
windows with a crow bar.
VIGILANTE (V/O)
The Local Shopkeeper has been held
up twice, struck with an iron bar
last time .35 stiches.
The VIGILANTE takes digital photos of what the gang
members are doing to the shop. He takes the memory card
and slips it into an envelope. With a marker he writes
on the front “To Springwood Police”.
VIGILANTE (CONT V/O)
I don’t need to be sent overseas to
fight. There’s a war right here.
Doesn’t mean I’m any less scared
out of my brain...
As he stuffs the envelope and camera back into his bag,
the VIGILANTE looks up to see two of the GANG MEMBERS
harassing a YOUNG LADY walking through the street. GANG
MEMBER 2 pulls out a knife as GANG MEMBER 1 tears at
her clothes, attempting to grope her. The VIGILANTE’s
eyes widen.
VIGILANTE (V/O)
@#$!
The VIGILANTE jumps down on top of GANG MEMBER(4),
breaking his fall. He finds himself in front of GANG
MEMBERS 1 and 2, who have grabbed the girl.
GANG MEMBER 2
Who the hell you s’pose to be?!
VIGILANTE
Listen dude...You don’t want to do this...
GANG MEMBER 3 emerges from behind and grabs the
VIGILANTE in a head lock.
GANG MEMBER 3
This @#$@ thinks he’s Spider-man!
VIGILANTE (V/O)
No time to be scared. Just fight.
The VIGILANTE reaches over, grabs the face of GANG
MEMBER 3 and leavers his leg to lift and drop the GANG
MEMBER (3) onto his knee.
VIGILANTE (V/O)
Don’t freeze up; I do and we’re
both in the Emergency room.
Disposing of GANG MEMBER 3, GANG MEMBER 2 Slices the
VIGILANTE across his arm.
VIGILANTE
AAARRRGGHH!
As GANG MEMBER 2 tries again, the VIGILANTE quickly
slips under the arm of GANG MEMBER 2, dislocating the
elbow across his shoulder causing him to drop his
knife, reverse elbowing him in the throat with the
opposite arm and drops him with a back kick to the
stomach.
GANG MEMBER 1 holds a knife to the YOUNG LADY’s neck as
the VIGILANTE approaches. The YOUNG LADY swings her
hand back and smashes GANG MEMBER 1’s groin, causing
him to recoil.
VIGILANTE (CAPTION)
Smart Lady.
She runs out of the way as the GANG MEMBER buckles
over. As he looks up, tears in his eyes, the VIGILANTE
knocks him out with a massive right hook to the jaw. As
the last GANG MEMBER falls, the VIGILANTE clutches his
arm, blood seeps through his sleeve.
VIGILANTE (V/O)
...that went well...
He stops and looks around at the out cold GANG MEMBERS,
then looks at YOUNG LADY, who smiles slightly.
YOUNG LADY
Thank you...are you ok?
The VIGILANTE turns his head to the sound of police
sirens. The YOUNG LADY turns her head, and turns back
to find the VIGILANTE gone, with the Large envelope in
his place.
She picks up the envelope as the Police car pulls up.The VIGILANTE watches silently from the bushes, smilesand runs into the shadows.
NEWS REPORTER (CAPTION)
...Police are wanting to question a masked
man who is believed to have
prevented a potential Sexual
assault south of Brisbane last
night which left 4 men in hospital. The incident was said to
have been sparked when a young
woman came across her attackers
vandalising a local corner store in Springwood around 10pm.
This marks the third incident in a number of weeks where a masked man has been spotted in the streets. Despite the outcome and Young Woman escaping unharmed, Police wish to warn citizens against taking the law into their own
hands...
END
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